Our meeting with the lawyer on Monday was easy. We went through all of our preferences for wills, power of attorney, advanced medical directives, and 2nd parent adoption. We are lucky to have a few very well-known firms in our area that do this stuff all the time. For them it was pretty routine, which is reassuring. Everything should be complete within the next month or so, with the exception of the adoption, which can’t happen until we have a birth certificate for Cupcake. From birth, the lawyers estimate 6-8 weeks for the adoption to go through. Then we all shook hands, we handed over our $3,375 and that was that. As annoying and infuriating as it is to have to pay to get most of the things that a straight couple can get just by getting married, we are very glad that it’s now done. And the 2nd parent adoption stuff is very routine in our state/county. No home study or even letters of recommendation required.
Now, an interesting little annoyance. We are having ONE Cupcake. There are no plans for a 2nd one. Never have been. And yet, invariably when we say that, people shake their heads and smile and say things like “You say that NOW, but we know you’ll change your mind. Children are like potato chips, you can’t have just one!” (Ok, so no one has actually said exactly that, but close enough.) Even the lawyer! I really don’t get it. What’s so bad about having 1 kid? I mean, no offense to all of you out there with more than 1, or hoping to have more than 1. That is your choice. But I certainly wouldn’t want to be pregnant again, and Strawberry has never wanted to. And neither of us feel like having an only child is a bad thing.
And lastly, see that ticker over there? We are in double digits here, people! Holy crap! I’m feeling ok most of the time. Some days I’m super hungry and super tired. I don’t sleep very well at night. Cupcake is still a very active kicker. Ever since last week’s OB visit, I’ve been trying to hold off on taking the Zofran unless I need it, but so far I think I’ve only managed 1 day without it. Right now, it’s all about growing Cupcake nice and plump (just not TOO plump, thanks)!
Things inevitably change after a baby is born. Instead of feeling like your resolve is being challenged just smile, and if things do change go with the flow. It’s easier to live life without “I’ll never…..” because the reality is that you just might.
Some things you just know. If you just know you’ll have 1 cupcake then then you know. I look forward to hearing all about lil cupcake growing up into a big cake.
BTW, your son is due on my mother’s birthday. My mom is awesome. I bet cupcake will be too!
yay for double digits! very cool that all the paperwork is done… we have not done any of that stuff yet, though we really want to get it out of the way. let people say what they will… i find that some people just need to hear themselves talk 😉
hi! delurking to ask more questions about the legal stuff … how do the birth certificate details work? — will Cupcake have only Nutella on the birth certificate initially, and then can Strawberry be added once the 2nd parent adoption goes through? My wife and I are just starting our journey with a known donor and have lots of questions about the legal bits!
Hi Erin, I responded by email.
Anyone else looking for details on state specific 2nd parent adoption laws can find lots of good info at http://www.hrc.org/about_us/state_laws.asp
Double digits is right! Cupcake will be here before you know it!!! I do have to admit that I am extremely jealous of the ease of legalities in your state/county. We are thinking about relocating soon for our family–we live in a midwest state where second-parent adoption is still unclear. Gotta love America!
One kid is great! We are and always have been planning for one. I get some of those comments too when I mention that we only want one. I tell them that we have got a dog and a cat and it is time they stepped up to the plate and did something useful like become a sibling.
congrats on the legal hurdle! we have a great attorney in atlanta too which certainly makes the process a little less stressful even though it’s annoying to have to pay a fortune for something that our hetero counter parts get just for being 2 different genders.
regarding the one kid thing, there are lots of people having one kid these days. many of the people i know who have kids either have 1 or 3. it seems 2 is a thing of the past. we are weeks away from having our 2nd and i’m thrilled, but man, i’ll bet you could still really have a normal life with only 1 kid. leveling the playing field with 2 adults: 2 kids is going to make things pretty tricky so you are definitely on to something ; )
It made me smile to hear you are all clear legally. Congrats! That’s wonderful.
I am an only child. My parents were always very careful about making sure I had strong friendships where I learned to share and interact with other kids. I had slumber parties and sleep overs more than my friends and always brought a friend on vacations because they felt it was important. All my friends had ciblings so I absorbed those interactions as well. I feel pretty well adjusted and there is only one thing that bothers me now that I am older. I have no brothers, no sisters, no neices or nephews, no sisters in law, only a handful of distant cousins. I have my parents generation and two grandmothers and when they are gone, I am the only one left. That makes me a little sad and maybe a little scared too. Thank goodness for my partner and my future children. I am planning for two but only time will tell.
Here’s to a perfectly plump baby.
Wow, double digits. EEK! Cupcake is almost done baking. I am so glad you got all the legal stuff out of the way. Now you have one less thing to worry about.
Double digits already – wow! It sucks that you have to pay that much, but good to get it out of the way and get some peace of mind. Loved the kicking clip by the way – quite the active boy isn’t he!
I say ignore those people who like to tell you their opinion about your family. You guys have obviously thought this one child business out throughly. Also, it seems that one gets TONS of unsolicited child advice – it is insane. Congratulations on the legal stuff. That is really big.
You know what’s right for you and your family. People are free to think their own thought and you are free to change your mind…or not.
Good thing you got all of the legal stuff done. Stinks that it has to cost us to much money.
i was super resolved on only having one child (i’m an only child and loved it!). but i know where those people are coming from too…one day i just l clicked and felt like I wanted one more. but one is MUCH easier and cheaper.
just ignore everyone…smile, nod and say, “we’ll see”. 🙂