Thrice bitten

I went to pick up Curly from daycare yesterday. When I arrived, I signed him in and noticed the director speaking with the mom of the child who is ‘The Biter.’ Lots of people stop to talk to the director on the way out so I thought nothing of it. When I entered the Toddler room, Curly’s face was being washed as he whimpered and his other teacher approached me with a frown and said he was bitten, again, on his face. The children were simply sitting at their table when the same girl leaned over and bit him, breaking the skin this time. I was visibly upset and spoke some more with the teacher who said they are all frustrated at this behavior, especially since it comes out of the blue. There were no toys or food involved, or any physical activity. They were preparing to color together. I signed the incident report, hugged my poor boy, put on his coat and left. The mama bear in me was roaring.

Now, I know this is typical toddler behavior. I know the parents are not to blame and I would like to think they are trying to teach their daughter that biting is not acceptable. I am mad that the mom didn’t even look at me or apologize on behalf of her daughter when it is so obvious everyone knows by now who the biter is and it was clearly apparent that Curly was bitten because they were cleaning him up and he was crying when she arrived. So I feel it is cowardly of her not to have said anything.

It sucks to be on either side of this. I would be horrified if Curly were biting other children, and if I knew who they were, I would apologize to the parents on behalf of him and let them know we were doing our best to curtail it. Of course, it sucks to be the parent of the victim…to see your child bitten and bruised over and over. To hope they won’t pick up the same behavior or develop a fear.

Nutella dropped him off this morning and when he tried to sit in his usual place next to the biter, his teacher gently asked him to sit in a different place. We’re glad to know that the two will be somewhat physically separated from now on. And that the director apparently had a long talk with the parents. I don’t know what the daycare’s policy is on continual biting, but it seems that they’re being proactive about it. We have a parent-teacher conference next week where we can talk more about it as well.

17 responses to “Thrice bitten

  1. Poor Miles! I know it is probably just as hard for the biter’s parents as for the victim of the biting, but oof! I don’t know what I would do in your situation. I would be really terribly upset too. Especially with breaking the skin. 😦 I really hope it never happens again!

  2. I’m sorry your guy keeps getting bitten. Some kids are just biters. I hope she grows out of it soon.

  3. I would feel exactly as you do. Owen’s come home from daycare with a bite, and just the once made me upset. I hope the daycare continues to proactively address it.

    now you should teach Miles to do krav maga. πŸ™‚

  4. Poor little Miles! Especially because he didn’t even do anything to provoke it! I hope that separating them helps, and that the little stinker grow out of it very soon.

  5. wishinghopingpraying

    Poor Miles, bites hurt so much. I’m glad the school is handling it well but it sucks that the biters mom ran and hid. She was either mortified or one of those, who cares, kids bite moms. I hope it doesn’t happen again.

  6. Shebroke the skin? That is a pretty big bite. That sounds good that miles has a new seat. Poor guy.

  7. aww poor boy! my son was the bitee as well for quite some time and it was so sad. i imagine its hard for the parents of the biter as well but you deserved an apology. hope this is the last time he gets bitten.

  8. Poor little guy. It’s so hard to see your kid hurt especially if she broke the skin. I know I’d be upset too even though I would understand that it’s really normal at this age. You still don’t want your kid to be hurt, I totally get that. Ian pulls hair at daycare and it upsets me to know he does that. Luckily I haven’t heard anything about it lately so I’m hoping it’s stopped. πŸ™‚

    I’ve heard of kids not being able to stay in some daycares if they continue to bite. It’s tough because it puts the parents of the biter in a hard situation when really, it’s just a phase and there’s nothing they can do about it, other than trying to teach the child that biting hurts. At this age they just don’t get that – they get a reaction when they bite a/pinch/pull hair/hit and they think it’s funny. Just something they go through. But I can see how they also can’t have a kid who is really injuring other kids on a regular basis, no matter how innocent it is. Breaking the skin sounds like a pretty serious situation.

    Good luck, I hope the little girl grows out of it soon.

  9. I picked Holland up the other day and he had been scratched several times on his cheek. That night we asked him who did and he told us a name of one of the kids in his class. Not going to take his word, of course, but it’s going to get interesting when they can really tell us!

  10. My friend just went though this exact situation with her 2 yr old daughter at daycare. The culprit was given an all day escort and the daycare did their best to work on it with the parents. There were several biting incidents (involving him biting different children) but after a couple weeks it stopped happening. Hope it stops at Miles’s daycare too! Poor little guy!

  11. reproducinggenius

    This is so hard for parents on both sides. It’s devastating to see your child hurt. It’s devastating to know your child hurt someone else and to not be able to rectify the situation. It sounds like removing the two from each other is a good direction for the daycare to take, and hopefully the little girl is simply teething and will soon stop biting.

    As the parent of a “biter” (who is kept in captivity so as not to harm other children πŸ˜‰ ), I can assure you, it’s miserable on our end too–I have the bruises and welts to show for it, and we’re extraordinarily proactive in helping him learn how awful biting is. For our son, the biting is usually cylical and begins with teething episodes, but it can also be the result of getting over-excited. I’ve read this is the case for some kids. Unfortunately, and we’ve done our research, talked to his pediatrician, etc., there is no cure other than age and persistent parenting. I only write all of this to see if maybe it helps to humanize the little girl and her mom and to give you some perspective because it really is a helpless place the parents are in until their child outgrows this–and the majority of kids do outgrow it before long.

    I hope Miles is able to escape further bites, and that you are all able to find a little peace. This is so hard. xo

  12. I’m so sorry this keeps happening–I know it must be so hard to see Miles keep getting bitten like that. And to break the skin? In addition to everything else I would be worried about the (rare, but real) possibility of infection being spread. I hope the daycare is able to continue being proactive and that this girl outgrows this quickly!

    I also wanted to raise the possibility that the girl’s mother didn’t immediately recognize you as Miles’ mother and/or wasn’t aware that Miles was the child who was bitten. I know there are so many kids at my daughter’s daycare that I have a really hard time matching all the parents up and sometimes I’m so focused on getting her coat on, learning about her day, getting her to come with me out the door, etc that I miss a lot of what’s going on around me.

  13. krafty- I try to give people the benefit of the doubt, but there are only 6 kids in his class, and we’ve said hi to each other on many an occasion. She definitely knows Miles and his two moms. I think that’s why it hurt even more that she chose not to say anything.

  14. sounds like that girl needs a copy of “teeth are not for biting.” poor miles! glad the issue is being taken seriously. it sounds like you have a great daycare.

  15. Oh wow… this is awful! Lucas has begun nipping us on our shoulders while we hold him, and we are very stern with him that biting is not okay. We say, “Ouch! Biting hurts. No, no biting.” He seems to understand, and he’s stopped himself when we’ve noticed him posturing.

    I am so sorry that poor Miles has had to endure this over and over again. 😦

  16. poor miles. at least the daycare is working on the proximity issue.

  17. So sorry. Poor little guy. That sucks. One of my sons was a spitter. He wasn’t hurting people, thankfully, but he just decided that spitting was fun or entertaining or something. He went to a daycare that I really liked, and they talked with me about the spitting. He worked toward getting smiley face notes left for me that said, “A. did not spit today : ),” I felt so happy and proud when I saw one of those notes. Funny, eh? Our expectation levels can get pretty gosh darn low, and on the days when the note awaiting me said, “A. spit once today,” I felt so frustrated. But it passed, and then he was the object of some other trend in the daycare. Pushing, I think it was. Here’s to the end of the biting phase. Good luck.

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