Daily Archives: January 22, 2010

Left behind…by choice

There has been so much talk lately in the blogosphere regarding people thinking about having their second child. When I saw the first instance of it, I said to Nutella, “Isn’t it going to be weird when more people who have had a baby around the same time as us start trying for their second?” and then BOOM! 5 or 6 other bloggers started talking about it. And it IS a little weird because we’re done with one. We decided on one before we had him, and now that he’s here, we’re staying at one. And that’s ok with us.

We do think about two big things related to a second child though: A: We have a large curiosity about the kind of child that could come from my, Strawberry’s, body and B: We’ll never have a daughter (though a second child and so on might not “fix” that) Regarding A, I still have little to no desire to be pregnant, but having gotten to know the child that came from my wife’s body, we do wonder what a child would be like that came from mine. What would the child’s personality be like? How would the child look? Completely superficially speaking (because looks really are at the booooottom of the list), it appears Nutella did not get the redheaded child she’d hoped for by using a redheaded donor (Curly’s hair definitely has reddish tones and at best, might be auburn, but probably more like a sandy brown). If I used redheaded donor sperm, I would almost certainly get a redheaded baby. Like I said, this is completely superficial and just for fun. But, we’ll never know what kind of child I would produce because I ain’t doin’ it.

Regarding “B”, we did have our hopes set on having a daughter, but we love our healthy and beautiful son no less and are grateful for him every day. There will always be that wistful longing for a girl though…but it’s just not happening.

When we first blogged about the subject of only having one, a few people read it with suspicious eyes and said “Well, you never know…” Yes, we do know. Almost 9 months after our son was born, we still don’t have a desire to have another. And we’ve seen lots of terribly cute brand new baby photos recently (you know who you are!), and while those photos do tug at our heartstrings, they did not set aflame the true desire to get going again. Sure, there are things we miss about having an itty bitty baby, but there are many things we don’t. If you’ve been following along from the start, you know the difficult times we had those first few weeks and months, and we do not care to repeat them. At this point, we feel like things are continuing to get easier and better and more exciting with our son, and it gives us relief to not have to look back anymore.

One of the reasons that some couples decide to have another child is so that their first child isn’t an only child. They want their child to have a sibling. We’ve thought about that, but have concluded that it isn’t reason enough for us. We feel like being a family of three works for us, and considering Curly’s personality thus far, works for him. Curly has always been a sensitive/demanding baby, while at the same time, a very independent one. He loves to play and explore on his own more than with other children, although he does respond well to them. It could be his age, but we feel its more due to his personality. And we feel comfortable that he’ll be ok as an only child in that regard. Of course, we’re glad he gets to interact with the other kids in daycare and will work to foster his relationships with other children in our neighborhood and our friends’ kids….we just don’t get the feeling that he needs a sibling.

That said, we are excited for all of you out there with plans for a second and wish you an easy journey. We hope you’ll still be interested in our family of three as much as we’re interested in your growing ones.

[Edited to add: Hoping not to offend anyone…for those of you trying for your first, we of course want more than anything for you to achieve your dream. For those who already have 2 or twins and hope to add another child, absolutely nothing wrong with that either. I just wrote this with the very specific thought of having a second in mind.]

For a re-visit to this subject from when our son was nearing 3 years old, please see this post: https://1invermillion.wordpress.com/2012/03/29/odd-women-out/