Daily Archives: January 7, 2010

Division of labor

Just an update on the daycare situation….

Every day seems to be improving.  Curly is learning to sleep better and the past 2 days, he’s taken all 3 of his bottles there.  We are really finding our stride with regards to our new schedule.  Here’s a sample of our weekday:

7:00 Alarm goes off. Nutella wakes Curly, changes him, and gives him his first bottle.  Strawberry hops in the shower.

7:30 Strawberry brings Curly downstairs for some playtime, makes coffee, feeds the dog, and prepares breakfast for Curly.  Nutella takes her turn in the shower.

8:00 Curly gets breakfast from either Strawberry or Nutella while the other one prepares his bottles for day care.

8:15 Nutella warms up her car, Strawberry gets Curly into his coat.

8:20 Nutella loads up Curly into her car and takes Curly to daycare.  Strawberry heads to work.

Nutella generally gets to work just before 9am, Strawberry is at work by 8:30ish (yes, we both have short commutes)

4:30 Strawberry leaves work and picks up Curly at 4:45

5:00 Strawberry and Curly get home, change as needed and into the crib for a nap. Nutella leaves work. Strawberry washes that day’s bottles and nipples.

5:20ish Strawberry feeds the dog. Nutella gets home, makes dinner and the mommies eat.

6:15 Curly is woken from his nap. Plays a bit and then…

6:30 Curly gets dinner, then straight into the tub, followed by a little bit of playtime, one final bottle from Strawberry, and then back in bed for the night at 7:15

7:30 Quiet household chores together, then chill time.  Some nights we take turns going out to do an activity/ hobby or shopping (for personal sanity)

The thing about our parenting style is that we have always striven for equality, and that equality has come very naturally to us. In our relationship, it has always been Nutella cooking and Strawberry cleaning because that follows our inclinations. Now that Curly is here, it’s no different. I enjoy cooking dinner, meal planning and grocery shopping, as well as preparing Curly’s food. Strawberry’s goal is to keep the house in order and she enjoys doing the laundry. In the summer, we share yardwork duties and our bills are split as evenly down the middle as possible. We have separate bank accounts, but another shared one for special savings. We’ve never really had to have a discussion about splitting things like this- it always felt comfortable to us, although it helps that for the past couple of years, we’ve made roughly the same salary.

There’s been a lot going around in the blog/forum world where one parent feels more left out in the parenting relationship for whatever reason…one of the biggest reasons being that the non-gestational parent is not breastfeeding. For us, this was never an issue, but it was important for us to figure out why, when it seems like such a big issue for so many other couples. We think it’s in part because breastfeeding to us meant feeding the baby, and that always fell under my preferred responsibilities. For me, it was more about providing nourishment for Curly and not  just the emotional bonding. Strawberry never felt threatened by our breastfeeding relationship, or left out (well, she was left out of course, but didn’t mind). When he was upset and we wanted to soothe him, he was not offered the breast unless he was truly hungry. It would be up to whichever one of us was feeling more mentally capable of handling his baby meltdown at the time. Strawberry did more diaper changes and loved dressing him and I felt fine letting her take the lead on those things.

As you can see in the schedule above, we try to make sure duties are split and care is equal. We consider ourselves lucky that our natural likes and dislikes matched up so well. It works for us and we hope it continues to do so.