The answer, my friend

Thanks for the great questions everyone, we’re going to split up the answers into a few posts.

Jen asked “How did you decide who was going to carry Curly and are you planning on having more children?”

This was a pretty easy thing for us and we are very lucky that it all worked out as it did.  I have always wanted to have a baby;  Strawberry never had the desire to carry a child.   We have always been in agreement that we only wanted one kid.  And having been through the first few months of parenthood, we are very happy with that decision!

Calliope asked “Have you ever made a nutella & strawberry cupcake? and if you ever make them again will you send me one?”

I have never made nutella and strawberry cupcakes, although my mother has and she served them at our family baby shower.  I would LOVE to take a stab at them and have lots of lovely ideas on how to maximize the flavors.  Unfortunately, cupcakes don’t ship very well, especially in warm weather, but I promise to try and bring some to the next IVP gathering.

Calliope and Suze wanted to know “How is it parenting a son? Do you find that it has been different than how you imagined it to be?”

At this point, we both feel that there is very little difference in parenting a boy versus a girl. Of course, we only have our own experience to go by so far, but the biggest difference right now is simply plumbing…and while that plumbing is fairly foreign, it was quick and easy to get used to. Beyond that, there’s not much “boy” versus “girl” stuff to deal with for an infant. We imagine that later on, when he’s older, starting with toddlerhood, there will be more issues to deal with. But those issues will most likely come about because of the messages he gets from the world around him. What we imagine is that he will be inundated with messages about what he should be like as a man, and we expect to have to combat those messages with the fact that he can be anything he wants to be, and as sensitive to boot!

Oh, one big difference has been the clothes. We’re pretty turned off by the massive quantities of pink, ruffles, lace, dresses, etc in the girls’ section and are glad we don’t have to dig through that stuff. But we also don’t like the constant sports, vehicles, and rough housing references we see in the boys’ section (not to mention “daddy’s little whatever”). Just as we’d try to keep a girl in less gendered clothing, we try to keep Curly in inoffensive clothing. Of course, when he starts being able to pick out his own clothes, we’ll most likely have to accept some choices we don’t particularly care for.

As far as being a lesbian couple raising a son, we feel fortunate to be one of many such families, especially in our own neighborhood. Hopefully these boys will find comfort in the sameness of our families. It’s quite common for us to hear “Oh, he’s going to need good male role models,” but a girl would need that, too. It’s important for a child to be in contact with good role models of both sexes. Our fathers are both involved in Curly’s life and we have several men that we are good friends with, so we don’t think he’ll be lacking. If other issues come up, we’ll have to deal with them as they come.

6 responses to “The answer, my friend

  1. great response!
    had to laugh about the boy clothes!! I seem to just dress W in lots of srtipes (& plaid of course)

  2. Well said! I agree with the clothes thing… i think it’s amazing how different the options are. 🙂

  3. I laughed about “daddy’s little whatever” because when we had our first son, I bought this adorable baseball-themed sleeper and I couldn’t wait to put it on him. It wasn’t until I put it on him for the first time that I realized that, in small letters around the logo, it said, “Daddy’s Little Slugger”. I was so mad but my wife and I still laugh about it.

  4. That’s funny…I remember standing in line at Old Navy a couple months ago, holding a sleeveless onesie with the Superman logo and a bunch of cute superhero pictures on it. But when I looked closer, I saw it said “Daddy’s Little Hero.” Needless to say, I decided not to purchase it 🙂

  5. You know with our second baby due on Christmas day, and not knowing whether it’s a boy or a girl, we are really sort of interested to see whether we’ll get pulled into the “girly” clothes syndrome if it’s a girl. I mean we’ve got all of 2 year old Danny’s clothes and I think we’ll just dress our new baby regardless of gender in them, but I wonder if we’ll tend to think a girl would look “better” in some typically “girly” thing (oh God not pink, please not pink). We don’t plan to buy any new stuff but if it’s a girl, I bet we get a bunch of “girl clothes” gifts.

    I’ve liked dressing Danny in boyish clothes I think in part because I’m a tomboy and I happen to think he looks adorable in them. And just when I thought picking a name was our only worry, now this. Thanks Nutella and Strawberry! 😉 -Monica

  6. Monica- I’m sure you will get lots of girly clothes if it’s a girl and thus not be able to avoid it entirely 😉 And we do like SOME of the girl clothes out there. We were in a Carter’s once and wandered into the girl section and ended up buying Curly a deep purple onesie with an owl on it just because we wanted him to have something purple 🙂

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