You’ve got to grind, grind, at that grindstone

Monday was my first day back at work and Strawberry’s first day home alone with Curly.  I’m not going to sugar coat it.  It’s hard.  Can’t wait for the weekend. Bullets below discuss my feelings.

  • Work- I like my job, but I don’t love it.  I’m well paid, and I have a short commute. I’m lucky to have a very supportive team and boss and company.  I returned to nearly 200 emails, and several must do now tasks.  Oh, and my mid-year review is next week.  One of my team members was let go 2 week before I returned.  I think it was a performance issue, but still, a little scary.  There is a hiring freeze, so it is unlikely that we will be replacing him.  I’m at the office for most of the hours a day that Curly is awake, and I really, truly miss him.  In the mornings I feed him when he wakes up and then put him back down to sleep while I get ready and then go.  When I get home in the evenings it’s a rush to nurse him, eat dinner, play a little and then nurse him and put him to bed.  And the early evening is his crankiest time of day.   So I ‘m really only with him for about 2 hours while he’s awake. I miss all the lazy hours I used to have with my smiley chatty boy.
  • Pumping- Hate it.  It’s a pain in the ass.  Yes, I’m grateful that so far I am able to keep up with Curly’s milk needs.  And again, my workplace is supportive.  There’s even a designated “Mother’s Room”  that will be ready in the next week or so, complete with 2 gliders and stools, tables, decorations, and a mini fridge.  And it’s on my floor!  But the actual pumping?  So not fun.  I’m using a Medela Pump in Style and I’ve rigged a mostly hands free setup with hair bands.  I say “mostly” because the way my bre@sts are shaped means I have to lean over to get the milk to flow down as opposed to back towards me.  Still, I am able to read for the 15 minutes that I’m pumping.  I store my pump parts in a container in the fridge between pumping sessions so I only have to wash them once a day at home.  But I really do feel like a cow.  And it makes me doubt my supply.  When Curly is nursing, I have no idea how much he’s eating.  But to see my milk measured out in bags and bottles and to worry if I’ve got enough is a complete and total mindfuck.

The silver lining to this is that Curly and Strawberry are finally getting time together alone.  They are learning each other’s cues and falling into a rythm.  And I am so very happy that he is loved and cared for by his moms in these early months.  I feel for all of the parents out there that must leave their infants and head back to work.

12 responses to “You’ve got to grind, grind, at that grindstone

  1. Wow, that sounds really hard. I imagine going back to work during Miles’ most awake hours would be extra hard. Hang in there! I’m sure you’ll settle into a routine soon.

  2. two things that saved my life.

    this wasn’t the brand but something like this changed my life…no hands!

    this helps the milk flow forward (and not rub as much while pumpin). i didn’t like it much but i can send it to you if you’d like. my friend swears by it.

  3. OMG, Codekiten, those angled thingees look awesome! I’d happily take them. I’ll email you. Thanks!

  4. Sucks you have to go back to work so soon but lucky that Strawberry will be home with him. I’m still home with our twins (my wife is a teacher so we are both home for the summer) but I’m already dreading going back. As for pumping (its how I primarily feed the boys since they were preemies and we are just now learning to breastfeed) I HATE IT also. I really do feel like a cow because I get like 8 ounces per side per pumping and the bottles get HEAVY! I did find a handsfree pumping bra that I found at findingchaos’ blog that I really love. We got it at

  5. It sucks that we all aren’t independetly wealthy so we can stay home with the little ones as nature intended. I bet this has been really hard and I’m sorry you are having to make this adjustment. Luckily you have supportive work environment because I think it would be so much more difficult if you didn’t. And pumping? That just sounds awful.

    Sending hugs each morning as you head off to work.

  6. Sorry that it’s been such a hard week. Pumping sounds like it is tough, but you’re doing such a great thing for Miles! I do hope that things get easier for you in the weeks to come.

  7. I’m right there with you, sister :-/

    I actually felt like you were describing my workplace and my transition back to work! I also have a mother’s room that I hang out in – I wish the glider was more comfy!

  8. I dread going back to work and I haven’t even given birth yet! I’ve heard that maternity leave in other countries is up to a year or more… I say we all move.

  9. i got a little holster that helped my pumping to be hands free. it works perfectly and i can typically work while i’m pumping. but i agree, pumping does suck.

  10. here’s the link –

    i think that it’s depicted a bit skewed. i doubt i’ll be playing on the floor with the babe while i’m pumping.

    buttt, it’s the best hands-free i’ve experienced. their sizing is pretty accurate also.

  11. That must be hard getting used to being back at work, I’m with Poppy on the independantly wealthy bit! I’m glad that you can work it so one of you is home with Miles though, it would be so much harder otherwise I’m sure.

  12. It’s really great that you have a supportive work environment. And, he will stop having fussy time in the evenings at around 4.5/5 months. Nelson always hated that too – that when he saw the babes they were cranky and crying.

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