Monday was my first day back at work and Strawberry’s first day home alone with Curly. I’m not going to sugar coat it. It’s hard. Can’t wait for the weekend. Bullets below discuss my feelings.
- Work- I like my job, but I don’t love it. I’m well paid, and I have a short commute. I’m lucky to have a very supportive team and boss and company. I returned to nearly 200 emails, and several must do now tasks. Oh, and my mid-year review is next week. One of my team members was let go 2 week before I returned. I think it was a performance issue, but still, a little scary. There is a hiring freeze, so it is unlikely that we will be replacing him. I’m at the office for most of the hours a day that Curly is awake, and I really, truly miss him. In the mornings I feed him when he wakes up and then put him back down to sleep while I get ready and then go. When I get home in the evenings it’s a rush to nurse him, eat dinner, play a little and then nurse him and put him to bed. And the early evening is his crankiest time of day. So I ‘m really only with him for about 2 hours while he’s awake. I miss all the lazy hours I used to have with my smiley chatty boy.
- Pumping- Hate it. It’s a pain in the ass. Yes, I’m grateful that so far I am able to keep up with Curly’s milk needs. And again, my workplace is supportive. There’s even a designated “Mother’s Room” that will be ready in the next week or so, complete with 2 gliders and stools, tables, decorations, and a mini fridge. And it’s on my floor! But the actual pumping? So not fun. I’m using a Medela Pump in Style and I’ve rigged a mostly hands free setup with hair bands. I say “mostly” because the way my bre@sts are shaped means I have to lean over to get the milk to flow down as opposed to back towards me. Still, I am able to read for the 15 minutes that I’m pumping. I store my pump parts in a container in the fridge between pumping sessions so I only have to wash them once a day at home. But I really do feel like a cow. And it makes me doubt my supply. When Curly is nursing, I have no idea how much he’s eating. But to see my milk measured out in bags and bottles and to worry if I’ve got enough is a complete and total mindfuck.
The silver lining to this is that Curly and Strawberry are finally getting time together alone. They are learning each other’s cues and falling into a rythm. And I am so very happy that he is loved and cared for by his moms in these early months. I feel for all of the parents out there that must leave their infants and head back to work.