We have much to be thankful for at this Thanksgiving time, but I thought I would touch upon one thing in particular. Nutella and I have read much on others’ blogs and heard much from others’ mouths about their families. And it seems that half of the folks we know have good relations with their families (parents specifically), and half unfortunately don’t. It is an astoundingly sad thing to think that something as innate as sexual orientiation could cause such a rift between parents and their children. When I think about unconditional love, the kind of love I know we will have for our child, I can’t comprehend the thought of severing our bond because of…well, anything, not the least of which is our child’s sexual orientation, nor the beliefs our child will have of the many things that comprise one’s view of the world.
But that’s a whole other subject. I’m writing because Nutella and I are thankful, nay, grateful, of our families and the support they consistently give to us and our future child. When we came out to our parents, sure they needed time to readjust, but never did their love falter. Not once have we felt any negative judgment toward our relationship, which has been such a major factor in our personal happiness. Not once did we ever not feel our parents’ excitement and anticipation of their first grandchild. And this constant love and support has been equal from both sides.
It seems to me that my parents believe in their hearts that this child, nurtured within my wife’s body, is as much their grandchild as it will be my wife’s parents’ grandchild. As much as I know my mother would like to see me pregnant one day (sorry, mom), at least she knows she is getting a grandchild she has waited for and hoped for and longs to hold as much as we do, regardless of its DNA. I have heard stories from other non-bio moms whose families refused to acknowledge the child as part of their family because it didn’t come from their own child’s blood. Nevermind that the non-bio mom was with the bio mom every step of the way before, during, and after… supporting her, caring for her, feeling anxious for every beta, excited for every ultrasound, dreaming and feeling and loving and nurturing this child of theirs. Sometimes I can’t even fathom how people can be so harsh and so dispicable.
So this Thanksgiving, with our little one on the way, we realize again how lucky we are not only to be in this position, but also to be the children of parents who love us the way we will love our baby- proudly, respectfully, and fully. If only everyone could have parents like this. I imagine the world would be a much better place.
That is definitely something to be thankful for! We are also lucky, although my family has definitely had some issues with it all I know we are much better off than many.
Amen Strawberry! Your post made me reflect on many things. Like how when my sister adopted her daughter from China, I remember wondering would our love “feel” the same as our love for the other babies in our family. (I now joke that my parents ended up loving their little granddaughter more than they ever loved any other baby). There was no question when Danny came along that he was 100% completely my child–like the adoption papers later said–as if he had been born to me.
And I agree with how sad it is when some gay couples don’t have that unconditional love of family. -Monica