Monthly Archives: November 2008

Not taken for granted

We have much to be thankful for at this Thanksgiving time, but I thought I would touch upon one thing in particular. Nutella and I have read much on others’ blogs and heard much from others’ mouths about their families. And it seems that half of the folks we know have good relations with their families (parents specifically), and half unfortunately don’t. It is an astoundingly sad thing to think that something as innate as sexual orientiation could cause such a rift between parents and their children. When I think about unconditional love, the kind of love I know we will have for our child, I can’t comprehend the thought of severing our bond because of…well, anything, not the least of which is our child’s sexual orientation, nor the beliefs our child will have of the many things that comprise one’s view of the world.

But that’s a whole other subject. I’m writing because Nutella and I are thankful, nay, grateful, of our families and the support they consistently give to us and our future child. When we came out to our parents, sure they needed time to readjust, but never did their love falter. Not once have we felt any negative judgment toward our relationship, which has been such a major factor in our personal happiness. Not once did we ever not feel our parents’ excitement and anticipation of their first grandchild. And this constant love and support has been equal from both sides.

It seems to me that my parents believe in their hearts that this child, nurtured within my wife’s body, is as much their grandchild as it will be my wife’s parents’ grandchild. As much as I know my mother would like to see me pregnant one day (sorry, mom), at least she knows she is getting a grandchild she has waited for and hoped for and longs to hold as much as we do, regardless of its DNA. I have heard stories from other non-bio moms whose families refused to acknowledge the child as part of their family because it didn’t come from their own child’s blood. Nevermind that the non-bio mom was with the bio mom every step of the way before, during, and after… supporting her, caring for her, feeling anxious for every beta, excited for every ultrasound, dreaming and feeling and loving and nurturing this child of theirs. Sometimes I can’t even fathom how people can be so harsh and so dispicable.

So this Thanksgiving, with our little one on the way, we realize again how lucky we are not only to be in this position, but also to be the children of parents who love us the way we will love our baby- proudly, respectfully, and fully. If only everyone could have parents like this. I imagine the world would be a much better place.

10 more days to guess the sex

Our anatomy scan is in 10 days so I thought I’d post a bit about all the guesses people have been making about Cupcake’s sex.

The Peruvian coworker, who asked me to walk a few feet and then declared that I’m having a girl.

The Chinese coworker, who cornered me in the kitchen and declared that I’m having a boy.

My mother, who clearly sees the similarities between her pregnancy with me and this pregnancy and believes that I’m having a girl.

Strawberry, who asked “give me your hand” and when I gave it to her palm down she declared that it meant we were having a boy.  She saw this on Ellen.  But she thinks this method is dumb.

My subconscious, which keeps giving me dreams of a baby girl.

And lastly, my grandmother, who drew me aside as were were leaving a restaurant a few weeks ago and whispered to me. “You’re having a boy because your rear is large.”

Yes, folks, you read that right.  My grandmother thinks I have a fat ass.  And so far, there’s no clear majority in either the boy or girl camp.  What do you all think?  Anyone else have funny methods that they’d like to share to find out before our scan?  If you share the method, we promise that we’ll try it out (if it’s not too weird) and then post the result.

Baby stuff in our house. Don’t panic.

So, Strawberry and I agreed not to buy any baby stuff until after our anatomy scan on Dec 4.  We resisted the adorable expensive cupcake onesie at a store last weekend and the clearance Halloween stuff at Old N*vy last night.  But then today something came up on Freecycle that I couldn’t pass up.

So on my way home from work tonight I’ll be picking up a Peg Perego high chair.  And the lady is giving me a Primo baby bathtub too.  I don’t know if I’m ready for this.

Pop! (and 18 week update)

We were going to post belly shots for every two weeks, but decided that since there were such noticably drastic changes recently, to post weekly shots. Nutella really seemed to pop by 16 weeks. The belly is rounding out and quite hard.


We are still waiting on feeling movement though. They say most women feel it between 18 and 20 weeks, if not earlier, but being an impatient person, I want Nutella to feel that baby now! (ok, I just read something on the web that said some first time moms may not feel it until 24 weeks- boo)

As far as health goes, she’s been cutting back on the Zofran a bit. We’ll see how that goes, although the nausea does seem to be backing off some. There have been some pulling sensations in the abdomen and hips, with some hip joint pain for a day or two (gone now). Nutella’s also had some leg cramping at night. Unfortunately, she has also caught my cold but is doing alright and is on the mend. Cupcake is probably getting bouncy from all the sneezing. Oh, and there’s also been some lower back pain as expected, but luckily she’s got an appointment at a chiropractor on Thursday. Hoping that will help alleviate things somewhat. Still, these aches and pains are preferable to previous symptoms.

All in all, doing well and still amazed that today is 18 weeks. Whoa.

Birth Center Orienting

Tonight we went to an orientation of a Birth Center located about 30 minutes from us (with no traffic). We gave ourselves an hour to get there after work, which to our surprise, was about 30 minutes too much since there was surprisingly little traffic this evening. We were the first couple to arrive and saw 6 straight couples and 1 single woman file in shortly after. The Birth Center is located in an auxiliary medical office building attached to a large hospital. The midwife told us that if emergency transfer is needed, it takes 3 minutes to get to labor & delivery in the hospital.

There are two birthing rooms, complete with homey furnishings and a jacuzzi tub (and they do allow water births). We found the midwife practice to be laid back and just medicalized enough to make us feel comfortable…not terribly nutty crunchy, not terribly “sterile” – a nice in-between. We stayed for about an hour, during which we got the tour and everyone asked lots and lots of questions.

They recommend that if you’re already under the care of an OB, that you transfer to their care after the midway point testing around 26-28 weeks. We were delighted to hear this, as we like our OB practice and the office hours and location of the Birth Center make it more inconvenient than where we normally go. But we were really pleased with the center and the ease of transfer if desired or necessary when in labor there. So when we switch over, it will probably be around 30 weeks.

We did our part in asking lots of questions, and some of the more interesting and important things we found out included:

  • Their Caesarian rate is 14%, and most often because the baby is breech
  • They do not have any drugs available if you stay at the Birth Center (but if you transfer to the hospital, you can get pain relief there)
  • They do intemittent fetal monitoring by Doppler and they also have a basic ultrasound machine, primarily to verify baby position
  • They do not offer childbirth classes, but you can take them through the hospital
  • They have a doctor who is their Director at a Maternal Fetal Care Center who reviews their patients’ charts and makes recommendations
  • If you are under the care of a midwife at the hospital, they will advocate for you to not receive an IV unless necessary
  • They do not want you to come in until you are in active labor with strong contractions and cervical changes
  • If you give birth at the Center, they send you home 4-6 hours after delivery (once the baby has successfully nursed and the birth mother has had a chance to rest) If you give birth in the hospital, you typically stay for 24 hours.
  • If you give birth at the hospital, the pediatrician does neonatal testing/care, but if you give birth at the Center, you’ll need to see your Pediatrician within 24 hours. However, they do a newborn exam, eye exam and give vitamin K at the Birth Center.

Overall, we think it’s a good fit for our needs and desires. We hope to give birth in the Birth Center but are open to transferring to the hospital if needed. We’ve decided to cancel our tour of the hospital where our OB delivers, and instead sign up for a tour of the hospital connected to the Birth Center.

Farewell week 16

Now that we are in the second trimester, time is moving a lot faster. During the first trimester, time dragged by sooo slooowly and every week was a major milestone. Weeks are still milestones nowadays, but they sure are flying. And we are both axiously awaiting the moment that Cupcake taps or kicks hard enough that Nutella feels him/her. As well, we are anxiously awaiting our 20 week appointment and hoping from then on, we can refer to Cupcake as “he” or “she.” Not to mention see how big he or she has grown.

Speaking of growing, the belly is starting to pop! I “worship” the belly each night by gently rubbing a bar chock full of natural oils from LUSH on it, in hopes that it will help keep the skin healthy and flexible and not as prone to stretch marks. Whatever…stretch marks are going to happen regardless, but Nutella and I both enjoy the ritual. And I like feeling that I’m caressing the baby in the only way I can right now. For the past few nights, I’ve noticed the belly is definitely starting to get noticeably bigger and very cute. We’ll post pictures again soon, perhaps a set of 3 for each 2-week period (14-16-18).

I’m currently getting over a cold, and like many other times, I find myself wondering what it’s going to be like when there’s a baby in the picture. What’s going to happen when one of us gets sick? What about when the baby gets sick? How will our morning schedules change? And our evenings? How are we going to manage on so little sleep? How is our dog going to handle the attention shift? How will we handle vacations? How will we still find time to ourselves? Will we even care that much? How will things change between us? Will we always be able to compromise on parenting decisions? Will we need to?

So many questions, and my rock of a wife always calms me just by smiling and saying “We’ll figure it out.” I just commented on another blog about how scared I used to be regarding the prospect of parenthood. Luckily, these questions aren’t so scary anymore…they’re just curiosities. And I know that once we have our baby in our arms, well, as far as everything else is concerned, we’ll figure it out.

Let your fingers do the walking

So, 16 weeks over here and still feeling the horrible nausea and heartburn.  Have gone from taking the Zofran “as needed” to taking it on a schedule.  2 mg (half dose) every 6 hours during the day.  It keeps things mostly bearable, but I still seem to be getting at least 1 day each week where the nausea and exhaustion send me home from work to crash.  On those days, if I can keep from puking I feel like I’ve won.  But that’s not really what this post is about.

This post is about the cost of prescription medication and the racket that is prescription drug coverage and pharmacies.

After my trip to the ER for excessive vomiting and dehydration, my OB called in a prescription to CVS for a 30 day supply of Zofran, an anti-nausea drug that is safe for pregnancy.  Later that day, CVS left me a message saying that my insurance company had denied coverage of the medication.  Luckily, we had some friends locally that had a nearly full 30 day supply of the same drug left over from when they had been pregnant earlier in the year and had struggled with similar problems.  They generously gave me what they had and it’s gotten me through until this week. 

I’m now down to only a few days supply so on Tuesday I went to CVS to pick up the prescription.  To my dismay, I was told that the out of pocket cost for a 30 day supply of the GENERIC was going to be over $1,000.  In shock, I laughed at them and told them they could keep it.  In my internet research I had been cautioned that it was costly, but this was excessive!  I also had been advised that different pharmacies had been found to have widely differing prices, so I sat down with my phone and placed some calls.  Here’s what I discovered:

Cost for 30 pills of 4mg ondansetron odt (generic Zofran, orally dissolving tablet) at CVS over $1,000, at Target $109.99, at Walmart $109.72, at the local cooperative grocery store pharmacy $65.00, at Costco not available.

Can you guess where I’m going to fill my prescription?

A short walk in the rain

We voted for Obama today, and now wait in anticipation of Change in our country. We want to bring our child into a country that is built on equality, respects diversity, and embodies freedom for all.

While this blog is not meant to be political, in this case, the political is very personal:

Barack Obama in the Illinois Senate:
Barack Obama was known as a liberal who was not afraid to build bridges across party lines during his term in the Illinois State Senate. He gained a 100% rating from Planned Parenthood for his support of family planning and abortion rights legislation.
Barack Obama and Gay Rights in Illinois:
Barack Obama supported gay rights during his Illinois Senate tenure. He sponsored legislation in Illinois that would ban discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation.
Barack Obama in the United States Senate:
Every two years the Human Rights Campaign, the largest national gay and lesbian organization, issues a scorecard for members of the Senate based on their sponsorship and voting on key issues of importance to gay and lesbian citizens. Barack Obama scored 89 out of 100% in the 2006 scorecard. Here’s how HRC rated Barack Obama:
Hate Crimes:
Barack Obama co-sponsored legislation to expand federal hate crimes laws to include crimes perpetrated because of sexual orientation and gender identity.
Employment Non-Discrimination:
Barack Obama supports the Employment Non-Discrimination Act and believes it should be expanded to include sexual orientation and gender identity.
Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell – Gays in the Military:
Barack Obama believes we need to repeal the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy and allow gays and lesbians to serve openly in the military. His campaign literature says, “The key test for military service should be patriotism, a sense of duty, and a willingness to serve.”
Gay & Lesbian Adoption:
Barack Obama believes gays and lesbians should have the same rights to adopt children as heterosexuals.
Gay Marriage/ Civil Unions:
Barack Obama voted against a Federal Marriage Amendment and opposed the Defense of Marriage Act in 1996, even though he has said he does not endorse gay marriage.

He said he would support civil unions between gay and lesbian couples, as well as letting individual states determine if marriage between gay and lesbian couples should be legalized.

“Giving them a set of basic rights would allow them to experience their relationship and live their lives in a way that doesn’t cause discrimination,” Obama said. “I think it is the right balance to strike in this society.”